Just one of the reasons #thereisnosecondalbum

Fans of Greville and the Tombstones will likely have been wondering why there has been no #nosecondalbum news recently. Well it is because I have been writing an EP for another fictional band.

Obviously.

Office based data input band Dick Mattriss and the Publicists (@DickMattriss) asked if I could write lyrics to some song titles in order to help create their EP: Good Day For A Riot.

I duly obliged.

I really enjoyed the process and I hope that the band get a number 1 record.

Here are the song lyrics published for the EP. Remember, these are not Greville and the Tombstones' tracks. Do not read them in your inside voice as Greville and the Tombstone tracks. Because Dick Mattriss and the Publicists have a totally different vibe. And also have written some super cool real tunes to go along with them.

Scroll to the end of this blog to hear the fabulous catchy tunes, @manlyjpanda has written for some of them.

Hope you like them!

"Good Day for a Riot"
"Server Outrage"
"Minstrels Everywhere"
"Dawn of the Dead"
"P.A.N.T.S"
"Hydroboil"
"Useful Paige"

"Good Day for a Riot"

 

Hey! The sun is stroking my hair

Smell of fresh cut grass in the air

There’s not a cloud in the baby blue sky

No! Not even tear gas gonna make me cry!

 

Yeah! It’s a good day for a Riot!

 

Hey! Girl’s in tops, shoulders bare

Sunhats, long legs and cassette player

There’s not a cloud in the baby blue sky

No! Not even tear gas gonna make me cry!

 

Yeah! It’s a good day for a Riot!

 

Hey! We only want The Man to care….

Come On! Treat us right, treat us fair!

We want to ask the questions, man, why No!

Won’t put up with another goddamn lie

 

Yeah! It’s a good day for a Riot!

 

Hey! We only want The Man to care….

Come On! Treat us right, treat us fair!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Hey! T

 

his scenic location is the best

But we ain’t staging a sit-down protest

Got a scarf to hide my face, a cricket bat

Now! I am feeling like the coolest cool cat

 

La! La! La! La! La! La! La!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

 

Hey! Interest in revolutionary aim

A blowout of emotion is why I came

I want to party hard as well as protest

Maybe smash up a local branch Nat West!

 

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

 

It’s a good day for a Riot!

 

Hey! We only want The Man to care….

Come On! Treat us right, treat us fair!

Hey! We protest against your big idea

That great power is held through fear

Power comes with great responsibility, man!

That’s straight from the Amazin’ Spiderman!

 

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

It’s a good day for a Riot!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Riot! Yeah!

 

 

 

 

"Server Outrage"

 

Legend tells of a man

Stood seven foot tall, wide as a wall

Held a steel colt in his left hand

He was

A hombre

 

Well the legend goes

When the die is cast, he rides in fast

My dice threw up double woes

This was

A set stage

 

Must’ve been in Ninety-four

Darkened my stead, thought I was dead

Cocked that revolver at the door

It was

A 12 gauge

 

Before he could take his aim

I says do your worst, but can I ask first?

Cowboy, what’s your name?

He said,

“Server Outrage”

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

Pushes by me into the room

In a spit in the eye, sure I was to die

Ambience the shade of doom

Writin’s on

The last page

 

Tossed his hat to the ground

And as it spun, he aimed just his gun

Blasting at what he found

He has

Server Outrage

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

He shot that box like it was the devil’s hoard,

3 times he pulled the trigger at the circuit board

We would be reduced to communicating through faxes,

now we had no more hard drive server access

That network stood no hope

His six-shooter flared at the hardware

Too little RAM to cope

A rat

Wheel in a cage

 

Said, “Server’s had enough”

So full of holes, like tramp’s shoe soles

He said he doesn’t bluff About his

Server Outrage

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

Then this big man was gone

Job now done, walking to the sinking sun

I can’t network a CD-ROM

After this

Server Outrage

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

I’m here to say ‘tween me and you

Of a big man, steel colt in his left hand

The legend is true

Of cowboy

Server Outrage

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

When you find your server bad

Terminal’s useless, connection fruitless

Chances are you’ve had

A Visit by

Server Outrage

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

Server Outrage

SERVER OUTRAGE!

 

 

 

 

 

"Minstrels Everywhere"

 

There are minstrels everywhere

Everyone is a troubadour

All bodies have songs to play

Some minstrels harmonise

About their men dealing lies

Others sing in 4-bar blues

About the bad paths they choose

Others still Talk about things they kill

Even if it is themselves

 

There are minstrels everywhere

Everyone is a troubadour

All bodies have songs to play

There are troubadours

Who’ve trouble with their whores

Pimps, Daddies or bitches

Electronic beats, stuttered glitches

Press Drum Fill Subwoofers in this vehicle

To drown out insecurities

 

There are minstrels everywhere

Everyone is a troubadour

All souls have songs to play

There are bodies all round

Sing about what they have found

And what they stand to lose

If they should light the short fuse

Some are ill Others need no such pill

Than their own bitter loss

 

There are minstrels everywhere

Everyone is a troubadour

All souls have songs to play

There are Minstrels everywhere

Everyone I see has a song to share

Songs rattle in their heads

Even when they don’t feel them

There is still More than an album to fill

Of all the unheard songs

 

We Are all buskers on Life’s street corner!

Our music isn’t played for ya!

It is a private tune sung

But I’d like to hear just one

About me

 

We Minstrels, Troubadours and Folkies

We sing our life’s in our own keys

Many are silently sung

But I’d like to hear just one

About me

 

Minstrels everywhere

But I can’t here any sung

That tells me I am one

That’s worth a care

 

 

 

 

 

"Dawn of the Dead"

 

Dawn of the Dead

Is sleeping in my bed

Or at least I think it so

Hard to tell when she breathes low!

 

Flawless perfection

Translucent complexion

Extremities drawn so cold

Ice lips unbroken from tales untold!

 

Dawn of the Dead!

She is my one and only!

Dawn of the Dead!

Death needn’t be lonely!

When you’re down with me!

 

Dawn of the Dead

Crime she was buried

Won’t deny I really dig her

Did I just see the bed sheets stir?

 

Shroud, white as snow

It gives an eerie glow

Under the curdling moon

The wolves sing out in tune!

Dawn of the Dead!

She is my one and only!

Dawn of the Dead!

Death needn’t be lonely!

When you’re down with me!

 

Life or death don’t mean much, when I am with you!

Bed, coffin or sarcophagus – as long as there’s room for two!

 

Dawn of the Dead!

She is my one and only!

Dawn of the Dead!

Death needn’t be lonely!

When you’re down with me!

 

 

 

"P.A.N.T.S"

 

SPOKEN:

Zurück in der Zeit vor der Zeit

So niemand weiß genau wann

gab es fünf antiken Götter der Männer

 

Part of me wants out of here

A part of me wants out of here

No use pretending I like it here

Talking’s over I made it clear

Silently I’d like to disappear

 

Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

 

When she walks in the room I must confess Yeah,

when she walks in I couldn’t care less

When she shows me her Pee Ay En Tee Es

 

Packed in a corner of disdain

A dependant life is on a chain

No use for 90 percent of my brain

Ticking boxes what does it gain?

Sacrifice aint worth some pain

 

When she walks in the room I must confess

Yeah, when she walks in I couldn’t care less

When she shows me her Pee Ay En Tee Es

 

Pee Ay En Tee Es

Pressure, anxious, neutered tense stress

I couldn’t care less

 

Perception is a shifting empire

Automobiles slow on a flat tyre

Nothing will burn without a fire

Takes two to make one a liar

Someone’s always up for hire

 

When she walks in the room I must confess

Yeah, when she walks in I couldn’t care less

When she shows me her Pee Ay En Tee Es

I couldn’t care less

 

SPOKEN: Sie dachte, ich redete Ihr Jahr!

Aber ich bin singen, singen in der Zukunft in der Zukunft!

Singen in der Zukunft! Nicht von Now!

 

 

 

 

"Hydroboil (Discolust)"

[Fade in]

A cliché as old as sin:

When this chick walked in

Damn Earth stopped movin’

When she began groovin’

On the mortal coil

 

Chick danced the rhythm

Of soul’s little destruction

Silhouette lava to the beat

Swaying up to the heat

Of this hot turmoil

 

I am no sinner-man

But If anyone can then you can

Make me bubble girl

Gonna let you get me into Trouble girl

 

Not often I say this!

But I want to taste your kiss!

Dear Lord, you make me hydroboil!

 

Made sure our eyes met

Saw through night’s sweat

I followed you all way down

Held the gaze of eyes brown

Moment cannot spoil

 

Body twists giving idea

Of what I hope is sincere

Hints of a come on motion

Ask for my total devotion

To be your evening foil

 

I am no sinner-man

But If anyone can then you can

Make me bubble girl

Gonna let you get me into Trouble girl

 

Not often I say this!

But I want to taste your kiss!

Dear Lord, you make me hydroboil!

 

White hot shaker!

Smouldered sweetness!

Not often I say this!

But I want to taste your kiss!

Dear Lord, you make me hydroboil!

Super-heated retro girl!

You burn and fizz!

Not often I say this!

But I want to taste your kiss!

Dear Lord, you make me hydroboil!

Hellfire Maiden!

I’m melting in your bliss!

Not often I say this!

But I want to taste your kiss!

DiscoLust

 

 

 

 

 

"Useful Paige"

Useful Paige is very useful

That’s what all boys say

Useful Paige will do your homework

Make the bad things go away

 

Useful Paige is very useful

The girl you can rely on

Useful Paige will sort out worries

Not rest till they’re all gone

- - - -

Oh! If Paige is all that useful

How come the writing’s on the wall?

- - - -

Useful Paige is very useful

With a Sundae smile

Useful Paige will be your girl guide

Help you all the while

- - - -

Paige, you are so reasonable!

Paige, you have hair so tease able!

Paige, I know you’re useful

with a squeezebox too!

- - - -

Oh! If Paige is all that useful

How come the writing’s on the wall?

- - - -

Paige, the stars come down to you!

Paige, you keep wishes coming true!

Paige, I know you’re useful with a squeezebox too!

Useful Paige is very useful

That’s what idle boys say

Useful Paige will do their handiwork

Make the bad things go away

Please listen to the words made tuneful:



Minstrels Everywhere - click
https://soundcloud.com/manlyjpanda/minstrels-everywhere

Dawn Of The Dead - click
https://soundcloud.com/manlyjpanda/dawn-of-the-dead-demo

Good Day For A Riot - click
https://soundcloud.com/manlyjpanda/good-day-for-a-riot

Personally, Dawn of the Dead is my very favourite.

 

 



 

More Band merch!

You want the sweet lyrics of Greville and the Tombstones hanging round your neck, close to your heart? Well now you can!

Thanks to @Jaffne and her @craftiny shop fans of the band can have the sentiments of No One Hates Me More Than Me or the give the girl in your life the wonderful lyrics of The Unicorn Song in a gothic glass jar pendant!

Your Thieving Hands

Alice

 

 

 

Unicorn Song

 

 

Cool, yes?

 



It took the body parts of 7 men to make him, but only 1 woman to break his heart, made from 3 men's hearts

There is no album. But if there was then this would be the album sleeve booklet. The band hope you enjoy. There is no band. It is all pretend.

 

 

 

 Click on the tabs below to read the lyrics and see more album artwork. There are tabs.

 

 

I Aint Your Love Robot No More

Well this is something very special. Even by the standards of a blog detailing an imaginary alt-goth band's pretend songs and imbedding YouTube postcards of music, this is special.

This week I was enjoying putting words which rhymed together on a lunchtime in the office and I realised this was it - the 13th song of the album!

On second viewing, I was unsure if it should make the album. This was not the usual Greville and the Tombstones brand of alt-goth country romance to which fans are accustomed.

To be fair, looking at it a third time and if you considered some of it was marginally euphamistic, then it is potentially a song about an Ess-Eee-Ex toy not wanting to be an Ess-Eee-Ex anymore. Or Metal Mickey not wanting to be thought of a peice of meat anymore by his girl.

Pretty much not Greville and the Tombstones at all. In fact it could be seen as sleazy.

Now I don't know much about why I wrote it, but I do know I am changing my lunch treat back from a Cadbury's Twirl.

So, here it is - and it needs no introduction.

I Ain’t Your Love Robot No More

You expect you can flick a switch to turn me on

I’ll run my coding, check my morals are gone

I’m your robot

As soon as I walk in through the bedroom door

Emotions of the heart dropped beside clothes on the floor

But I have some news for you

My programme breaks in two

And I Ain’t Your Love Robot No More

I need the pain

The feel of guilt

I want to know I can be hurt

I can’t be your love robot

I will calculate your desires, cold touch your needs

As I connect to WI-FI, read updates to RSS feeds

Of sweet nothings

I want to believe we have a pulsating bedroom rapport

That it’s not coolant oil in pistons and circuits which pour

But my techniques are from

A Karma-Sutra CD-ROM

And I Ain’t Your Love Robot No More

I need the pain

The feel of guilt

I want to know I can be hurt

I can’t be your love robot

I am incapable of not doing what you want me to

You’ve installed sub-systems to keep me true

Run command

I remember the sighs, saved them to my memory core

Love’s sweet symphony vibrato, just a statistical score

I compute a million algorithms all for your pleasure

So whose buttons are getting pressed?

When I Ain’t Your Love Robot No More

I need the pain

The feel of guilt

I want to know I can be hurt

I can’t be your love robot

You turn one point four-four floppies into gigabyte hard drives

You know only for you are my magnetic tape eyes

It’s so true

Binary weeps zero add one, I sure can’t go on anymore

I need to defrag my operating system, re-set me I implore

Not just you having a good time

When you tap key Function 9

And I Ain’t Your Love Robot No More

I need the pain

The feel of guilt

I want to know I can be hurt

I can’t be your love robot

You said it couldn’t be, well it can, your Robot has become man

So whose buttons are getting pressed?

When I Ain’t Your Love Robot No More

I can stand up on my own two feet

Now you can’t control-alt-delete

And I Ain’t Your Love Robot No More

And I Ain’t Your Love Robot No More

And with that, the album is done.

#thereisnoalbum

Musiciansirs Pt. 1

Here are some of the musicians the band enjoy listening to over in the corner, where the pool table sits unplayed, in a sticky floored, neon lit bar room. Where we are all men (and actual real band member, who is a girl) alone together. And this is simply lovely. And this too!

Musicantresses Pt. 2

These are just another selection of musicians and songs that I like and I hope you do too.





And this is very much Greville and the Tombstones type of thing.



And this:


This is one of my favourite songs - so wonderful and so dark with undercurrent:





And I know, I mean I know but - come on, what a song...

Call me mad, but can I call you Alice?

I had writen the title as a b-side (all title, no lyrics).
Then I thought, what would those lyrics be if I did write them?
So, if I wrote them out, these would be them.
It turned out to be very Greville and the Tombstones.
It is basically a Mills & Boon romance!
I have grown fond of this short homicidal ballad and have decided I would like to put it on the album, if one was being made.

It is...
Call Me Mad, But Can I Call You Alice?

Call me mad, but can I call you Alice?

It is such a darlin’ name to say

It makes me think of rose red apples

Freshly cut lawn on a late summer’s Day

Alice, Alice – I love the name

Alice, Alice– down by the tumbleweed

Alice, Alice – I am to blame

Call me mad, but can I call you Alice?

It is a name where I gets a thrill

It conjures up thoughts of fire-flies

And of the pretty girl I didn’t mean to kill

Alice, Alice – I love the name

Alice, Alice– down by the tumbleweed

Alice, Alice – I am to blame

Call me mad, but can I call you Alice?

She didn’t look anything of you

Her neck was so pale and so tender

Eyes wide open to everyone, lips full of blue

Alice, Alice – I love the name

Alice, Alice – down by the tumbleweed

Alice, Alice – I am to blame

Call me mad, but can I call you Alice?

Your letter writing is real neat

They found her body on the Wednesday

I gave up to the sheriff to face retribution complete

Alice, Alice – I love the name

Alice, Alice– down by the tumbleweed

Alice, Alice – I am to blame

Call me mad, but can I call you Alice?

Thanks for your regular mail

But I can’t see me ever wedding you

Alice, I ain’t ever getting out this lowly county jail

#thereisnoband #thereisbandmerch

Greville and the Tombstones are so alt-goth they don't exist. There is literally: No Band.

Then I invented #rockcraftsaturday last Saturday when I put on a rock t-shirt and took out 4 coloured felt-tips and invited great friend of the band, craft genius and resident Greville and the Tombstones' artist @jaffne round.

So!

Encouraged by @warriorgrrl and inspired by her utterly fab gloom-pop She Makes War merchandise, here now is the first foray and range of Greville and the Tombstone band merchandise.

Because - and I cannot stress this enough - what is more alt-goth than having actual home-spun merch for an imaginary alt-goth band?

How about a Greville and the Tombstone designed plectrum?

 

None of these have never strummed a guitar. And you can take that guarantee to the Bank. How the bank teller will react to you telling them this, I cannot guarantee.

 

I would like to say I could see the band throwing them out to the enraptured audience, but as we do not do gigs I have not tried throwing genuine Greville and the Tombstones plectrums at anything resembling an audience yet, but when I do, I am sure it will be a delight for the bus passengers on my morning bus commute.

 

How about a some Greville and the Tombstone @jaffne original hand drawn art for any wall in the home?

 

 

Seriously, how cool and alt-goth is that?

 

Finally, how about something for the mantelpiece or office desk?

 

The picture on the kids FIMO mini-kit I bought suggested we could make a sheep

 

And this is, almost certainly, only the beginning. I will post more merch as it is created.

 

Fans should look out on Twitter for future #rockcraftsaturday news on more merch.

 

 

 

 

 

 



This Perfect Solar Storm

Happy Valentines! Yes my dears, Ol' Greville and the Tombstones have the love bug today. And there aint none inoculation.

After the last release which was - and let's call a spade a shitting spade here - shitting dark, love has come to brighten up our day. After the darkness, the light is always the brightest. Sometimes to dangerous levels of brightness. And this love song, I hoped to be the ballad on the album (usual disclaimers), was to be that brightest of things - a dangerous love song.
However, I suspect it may have gone well, a bit wrong, a bit,  you know, Coldplay. Ah well. At least there are no plans to ever record this shambles of schmaltz. Unlike Coldplay. So really, 1-0 Greville and the Tombstones there.

Anyway, I do hope you read this over the candlelit table for two.

Greville and the Tomsbstones presents...


This perfect solar storm

Hair of wild sun flares

Eyes of piercing sky stares

Body over men will war

I have seen her

So many times before

She speaks so softly in E minor chord

Plays a room like pieces on a chessboard

A fire line smile flashes across the dark sky

The sky splinters down

Around where I lie

Tonight air is thunder torn

And I find myself wanting her to keep me warm

In this perfect solar storm

Always, in this perfect solar storm

I’ll stay, in this perfect solar storm

Never go away, in this perfect solar storm

Motives shine bright

Easy to be blinded by her light

Not brushed by the fire

Just trust me

You’re burned on a pyre

You’re but a sacrifice met on the altar

A trophy tribute placed gratefully on her

A fire line smile flashes across the dark sky

The sky splinters down

Around where I lie

Tonight air is thunder torn

And I find myself wanting her to keep me warm

In this perfect solar storm

Always, in this perfect solar storm

I’ll stay, in this perfect solar storm

Never go away, in this perfect solar storm

She’s blazing so hot

For all the things she hasn’t got

To the bone she’s bad

No man minds

Experiences they have had

They lie down prone at her feet gladly

In the temple of this sun goddess deity

A fire line smile flashes across the dark sky

The sky splinters down

Around where I lie

Tonight air is thunder torn

And I find myself wanting her to keep me warm

In this perfect solar storm

Always, in this perfect solar storm

I’ll stay, in this perfect solar storm

Never go away, in this perfect solar storm

I try to keep my distance

Not to be struck by insistence

Path of least resistance

I earth myself

Despite the beat’s persistence

I won’t accept a dance with her tonight

My soul lives in the dark, dies from her sight

She moves with grace

As if she own us and this place

She sways in my direction

I steal myself

How can I resist such perfection?

She makes me think I am the only one

I know I am the lonely one, ashes in her Sun

In this perfect solar storm

Always, in this perfect solar storm

I’ll stay, in this perfect solar storm

Never go away, in this perfect solar storm

And I find myself wanting her to keep me warm

In this perfect solar storm

Ooh, ooh, Ooh-Ooh, Ooh, ooh, Ooh-Ooh

A fire line smile flashes across the dark sky

The sky splinters down

Around where I lie

Tonight air is thunder torn

And I find myself wanting her to keep me warm

In this perfect solar storm

In this perfect solar storm

 

I Don’t Want to Go Off to the Land Of Nod

Hey guys!
If I was recording an alt-gothic album this would be the lyrics for a song on it.
They would be inspired by the arty-doodles of @QuirkyJoe_
They would have this review by @jaffne:
"I am awfully concerned by this...all my childhood sweet dreams and lullabies, twisted! I fear I shall never sleep again! It's like Bucks Fizz's Land of Make Believe, but with a serial killer lurking even more menacingly! *weeps*"

Yip - this would be it, alright:

I Don’t Want to Go Off to the Land Of Nod

I don’t want to go off to the land of Nod,

That’s where the monsters are

They creep, wait and chase me far

If they catch me,

My bones will be gnawed

At dusk I hear the death rattle windows,

World full of creaks and wheeze

Rain drips slow from misery trees

Night winds gust

With malignant blows

Sleep is out where Alien pessimism goes

They stare at me with objective eyes

They experiment to weigh out lives

Then fly away sadly,

In blue Martian UFO’s

No I don’t want to go to the land of Nod

The land of Nod is reached only by some

A Time split alternate universe

A poisoned fog, an evil drawn hearse

It is the landscape

Where the creatures run

When I sleep deepest I talk to the Dead

Past time Folks come to me

I say my peace to set them all free

To non-listening,

Ghosting Extants in my head

I don’t want to go off to the land of Nod

Please don’t take me there,

Place of dark shadow being’s lair

Where nothing is

Without Sense of odd

Night light of the light house, lead me to the shore,

I have had enough of crashing on the rocks

I don’t let the Sandman get too close

Sits in a tower block with a gun

He takes pot-shots at me for fun

Drinking nightcaps

In bloody nightclothes

When I close both eyes I see my dream

She’s lovely, stung lipped and fair

But she’s a soulless nightmare

Just a chemical mix

Of orange and green

I don’t want to go off to the land of Nod

All things in my skull reside here

Everything I suppress in fear

Expressions of all

The ways I am flawed

No I don’t want to go to the land of Nod

Night light of the light house! Sweep weak light around!

I have had enough of falling on the rocks

I don’t want to go off to the land of Nod

That’s where the monsters are

Lurking in labyrinths most bizarre

Razor walls slashed

Nights’ grey fabric clawed

I don’t want to go off to the land of Nod

That’s where the monsters are

They creep, wait and chase me far

If they catch me,

My bones will be gnawed

I don’t want to go off to the land of Nod,

I’ll take pills, sup caffeine too

I’ll transfuse all my sleep into you

If they catch you,

Your bones will be gnawed

I won’t go back to the land of Nod

….

….

Dictaphone’s choppy, cracklingly muffled recording:

[Sexy psychiatrist lady voice] So what was it this time?

[Greville Tombs] Paper dinosaurs and goblin zombie wars. Doctor, what does it mean?

[Sexy psychiatrist lady voice] I can’t tell you, we are both in your dream

But, of course, there is no album - so none of this technically ever really happened.